


my home has never felt this far

by torkz



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Chowder week, Day Six: ships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Homesickness, Melancholy, is this considered angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-16 05:43:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12336627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torkz/pseuds/torkz
Summary: Lardo has a way of coaxing Chowder into talking.





	my home has never felt this far

Chowder is laying face down on the floor, his arms pillowed under his head, and his shirt in a pile next to him. Lardo is perched on his back, paints spread all around her and using Chowder as her canvas, the brush strokes almost lulling him to sleep. It’s a good stim for him to have, the soft feeling of bristles thick with paint, thinning as the strokes create a masterpiece on his skin. It’s a good stim for Lardo too; there’s nothing quite like the give of skin under her brush as she moves and creates, never knowing what it’s going to be until it’s done. 

She had come in to spend some time with Chowder and they lay on the floor talking back and forth about school and the future and summer plans. Lardo can tell he has something on his mind even though he’ll never admit it, so she asks him to let her paint him, gets her materials and waits. They’re like that for a while, the sounds of paint and brushes changing and dirty water the only sounds in the room.

“I miss home,” Chowder says eventually.

“Do you?” She says softly.

“I miss the restaurant on the corner that makes the best dumplings you can buy, I miss living in a neighborhood full of people that look just like me, I miss getting from point A to point B on my longboard.”

The brush strokes continue and Lardo rubs a hand down the back of Chowder’s head in a comforting gesture. He speaks up again.

“I miss the beach, Lards. I spent all of my time on a little beach down the street from my house that few people even knew about. I’m more familiar with the sand between my toes than I am with holding a knife and fork. I miss the ocean. I miss the way my house smells in the dead of summer, like grass and ocean water and heat. I miss California. I feel like part of me is missing, like I don’t know who I am anymore without saltwater on my skin. That’s stupid,” Chowder says, and it’s easier to let Lardo hear the sniffles than to pretend they aren’t there.

“It’s not stupid. Where you’re from is a huge part of who are, especially when you love it like you do. It’s not stupid to miss the things that make you think of home,” Lardo says, reassuring.

“I’ve been here for two years though. When does it get easier?” Chowder says, vulnerable and steadied by her presence on his back.

“I don’t think it does. Where I’m from doesn’t feel like that for me. I miss my family of course, but home feels like pressure and hiding and a place that isn’t me anymore. This is my home now: Samwell, the Haus, the team. And when I go back to where I’m from, I miss this place like a phantom limb. It’s been four years and that hasn’t stopped.”

“Well, that’s garbage,” Chowder says. “I was hoping you would have some advice for me.”

Lardo chuckles and nods, though he can’t see her. “I'm sorry that I don’t. All I can say is that it sucks major donkey dick, bro.”

Chowder snorts and they’re cracking up laughing and it makes the ache in his chest ease just a little. Lardo leans forward carefully and kisses Chowder’s head like his mom does when he’s sad, and the ache is back like it never left, bringing an onslaught of tears. He buries his face in his arms as he sobs, and this time Lardo climbs off of him, rearranging them so that they’re cuddled without messing up the paint still drying on his back. 

“It’s okay to be sad about it. It’s okay to miss it all,” Lardo whispers, wiping the tears off of his face with her thumbs. 

They lay there for a little while as Chowder cries, happy to finally get the feelings out that have been weighing him down for so long. He cries for all of the growth his sister is going through that he has to miss, he cries for the dinner his parents make together that he doesn’t get to eat, he cries for the sidewalks that miss his wheels as he flies across them. He cries for himself, for the weeks he’s spent pretending to be okay, the days he’s lost trying to hold it under his skin.

He holds Lardo tight as his tears dry up and she pats his cheek gently, but firmly.

“No more crying. Let me take a picture of your back, and then we’ll get you cleaned up and go get something to eat, okay?”

Chowder nods and rolls over on his stomach, letting her take pictures to her heart’s content. She moves to sit in front of him and he sits up, taking the phone to see her work. She drew a beach, the sun setting in reds, oranges, and soft pinks across his shoulders. The sand is a light beige, changing to a darker color as it gets closer to the sea. It’s a simple image with broad strokes and little detail, but it captures Chowder’s melancholy feelings perfectly and turns them into something light and beautiful. He grabs Lardo and pulls her into a hug, saying all he needs to say in the way he squeezes her.

“You’re welcome,” Lardo says, pulling away to grab his shirt and toss it to him. “Help me clean up and then we’ll go get some pho.”

“Okay, swawesome.”

They throw chirps back and forth as they clean everything off the floor, wrestling each other out of the doorway as they fight to get into the bathroom first. Their playful joy is infectious and half the team is joining them for lunch by the time they walk out the door. Chowder throws an arm around Lardo’s shoulder as they walk and as she smiles up at him, he wonders if it’s okay to find your home in another person.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from EASE by Troye Sivan.
> 
> I know I’m a piece of shit for posting late but I really wanted to get this out, so I hope you’ll forgive me. Shoutout to Paulina for helping me decide on this and letting me flesh it out with you. You’re the bees knees. <3
> 
> Come find me on [tumblr!](https://oluranurse.tumblr.com)


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